Friendships and illness~
Lately I just wanted to scream at people "I said I have Lupus, don't you even care?" It's not because I want the attention, maybe just acknowledgement, do they not know this is serious? I tried to tell them, but they are wrapped in their own heads!
I've been there, encouraging and wiping tears, supporting and sharing their life- where are they when I need that in mine?
They "skim" thorough articles I post for them, they like the posts without reading the information, they are going on about their own life like I didn't just say "my hair is falling out and I can't do my own dishes!"
I don't know what I want, but I know when my friends are having a rough time, I put down what I am doing to help them!
I am becoming bitter, angry, and hurt! I respond less to them because they couldn't even ask how I am!
It took almost a week after I was diagnosed before someone asked "how are you?" A week!
I am fighting daily to stay positive! Some days finding something to be thankful for is hard, but it's even harder when all of the negativity around me is so self centered!
But aren't I being self centered too? By wanting to feel like what I am going through matters to someone?
I've been told people don't know what Lupus is so they don't know how to respond, I've been told that no one realizes I am wanting to talk as much as I listen.
Friendships and illness feels like oil and water when I need peanut butter and jelly!