Invisible Illnesses~
Where to even start...
I have read Facebook pages, forums online, articles, and other blogs and what I see a lot of is the loneliness involved.
Friends that had stuck by your side disappear after diagnosis, people make comments like "must be nice to stay on the couch all day," and people forever comparing you to someone else "who has it," and then those that see "just another diagnosis!"
Some of these hurt worse than others, that friend I talked to daily till I started setting boundaries and barely talk to now~ that one hurts! As if this isn't scary enough with friends you trust! But you really find out a lot about not only yourself but others when your diagnosed with anything much less an invisible illness.
Peoples comments hurt too! A lot! Do you really think I ENJOY spending all day unable to move without pain or sleeping all day because my head hurts to be awake?
And my favorite lately? I know it's true but just makes me so mad...
Be more POSITIVE!!!!
About what? I hurt! I hurt so bad I can't move or sit still, it hurts to breath, and honestly I wish I didn't have to! I can't focus on positive thoughts, don't you know I try? Don't you think I hate being like this?
I know it's well wishers who make the comparison, they try to relate, and I appreciate that, I really do! But please keep in mind, no two of us are the same!
"Just another diagnosis!" Yes this one burns, I know it's another diagnosis, I know I've had many before it! I've tried to share with you what this one is and to show you that 99% of us have many existing diagnosis, and many previous misdiagnosis- but Lupus is not "just another diagnosis!" It's serious, it's life changing, people can have it mildly, can need chemo for it, can even die from it!
To me, it is NOT just another diagnosis!!!
I'm tired of acting like I'm strong when I'm scared and falling apart emotionally, saying I'm okay when it hurts, trying to be positive so you feel more comfortable...
I'm tired...
Today I have my makeup on and my hair done, I'm wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, if you see me you won't see the pain of breathing, the pain in my head, the pain in my muscles/bones & joints, you won't see the burning or itching of my skin, you won't see how this is tearing up my organs, you won't see what an emotional toll this is taking!
You can't see this invisible illness!